Tag Archives: writing

Magical Medicine

There is no magical medicine for the heartbreak of losing a child, but I have learned that it is possible to keep my lost girl with me. In living through the past ten months without Mack, I have found some solace in keeping her spirit alive in my life—telling Mack stories in this blog, talking to her every day, and working hard to live a life that would make her proud. Keeping Mack alive in this way gives me strength for the good days and helps me to breathe a little easier through the bad ones. But I have also learned that time will not heal my heart and that keeping Mack with me is simply not enough for me. It has also become imperative to share my Mack with people who never had the chance to know her; it is important for me to give her life some historical meaning. I need for the world to know that Mack was here, that she loved life and lived it with a true heart, that she left a lasting imprint on the lives of her family members and her friends, and that she made a difference in the communities in which she lived and loved and learned.

When we made the decision to establish a scholarship in Mack’s honor, just days after losing her, I knew then that it was a fitting memorial to my lost girl. Even through the shock and horror of those first terrible days, I wanted to believe that endowing a scholarship at Truman State University—where Mack had blossomed as a young woman, a scholar, and a writer—might someday have the power to bring me solace. But now that the Mackenzie Kathleen McDermott Scholarship has its first recipient, I realize that I grossly underestimated its power to do some good in my life and in the world. Now that we have bestowed our first annual $1,000 scholarship, I feel its power. This perpetual scholarship brings me peace the likes of which I never believed possible. But more importantly, it carries Mack’s incredible light into the world and allows my special girl to continue to make a lasting imprint on the lives of people, even though she will never know them. Every year, a special student who values education, who loves writing, and who wants to experience the world will know about my Mack, will be a beneficiary of her generous spirit, and will achieve their dreams in life thanks at least in part to the fact that Mack lived and loved the life she did. And wow…wow…what an amazing gift…what a magical medicine it is.

For making this magical medicine available to me, I will be eternally grateful to all of the more than 120 donors to the scholarship, which is fully endowed and will continue in perpetuity. And in honor of Mack’s scholarship and in recognition for all of the students in the world who will begin a brand new year of learning this fall, please join me in feeling the power of this scholarship to lift our spirits but more importantly to extend the reach of Mack’s personal magic for making a difference in the world.

The Mackenzie Kathleen McDermott Scholarship, 2015

So let me introduce you to the young woman who has the honor of being Mack’s first scholarship recipient. Megan Matheney is a sophomore, pursuing a creative writing B.F.A. and a minor in Italian studies (she will study abroad in Italy next spring). A native of a small town in northern Missouri, Megan is the perfect recipient for three Mack-like reasons. First, she is an athlete. She holds a third-degree black belt in TaeKwon-do, a sport that Mack practiced for a time when she was very young. Second, Megan very much relates to Mack’s discomfort in dressy clothes. And third, she loves animals; she grew up in the country with numerous dogs, cats, horses, and guinea pigs. Like Mack, Megan basically grew up in a zoo, and animals are a very important part of her life.

Here is Megan with her cat…

The cat who thinks he%27s a dog

And here is my Mack with her friend’s college kitty, King Tut (Mack LOVED to kittysit)…

kitty

Here is the scholarship announcement and official recipient bio…

scholarship 2015-01  scholarship 2015-02

And here is Mack being goofy when I asked her to pose with the TSU sign…

at Truman

This I Believe

Until Mack was a junior in high school, I must admit that I saw her mostly as a happy-go-lucky kid, an athlete, and a comic. I knew she was smart, and I recognized her many and varied talents, but I did not know there was a budding writer and intellectual inside of her. She never seemed to be terribly interested in academics (although she always earned As and Bs without effort), she was not the voracious reader that her sister had been, and she rarely did homework or talked about school. She was so masterful at living a balanced life of school, three varsity sports, and a busy social life that it did not bother me that academics did not appear to be a focus or a strength. Mack was so calm and well-adjusted and led such an active life that I did not think it mattered that she was not a deep thinker. But I could not have been more wrong about her. Looking back on it, I regret that I missed signs of her impressive intellect. She was, indeed, a deep thinker; I had just been too distracted by her athletic prowess to notice. However, when she started writing for the Springfield High School newspaper, I began to see that among her physical and personal talents was a talent for writing as well; and the more she wrote, the more her writing revealed that intellectual side of her that I had missed.

As she penned more and more columns for the newspaper and began sharing her ideas about music, TV, American culture, feminism, and social justice, it became clear to me that her wisdom and beliefs had been a long time in the making. My misjudgment of her in this regard is all on me, and I am sorry about that; because I should have seen this side of Mack long before her junior year. She never talked a lot, that is certain, but when she did say something, it was always entertaining, interesting, and observant beyond her years. Looking back on it, whenever Mack opened her mouth, I always stopped what I was doing and listened closely; and remembering now so many times when she added a sharp critique to a discussion, asked a probing question, or made an astute observation, I was always impressed by her skepticism and the clarity of her comments. All those times when I thought Mack wasn’t listening as people around her were blathering on about politics or social issues, she was actually quietly and respectfully taking it all in and, in the process of listening, was developing her own, unique perspective on the world around her.

By the time Mack began writing college entrance essays, I saw in the writing her intellectual curiosity and brave and articulate ideas, especially her strong sense of social justice and equality. I was extremely proud of her ability to put her ideas to paper, and I appreciated her grown-up, nuanced perspective of the world. As an NPR junkie, I was thrilled when she decided to adapt one of her college essays for the “This I Believe” essay contest at our local public radio station, WUIS. I was beyond thrilled when the judges selected her essay, giving her a chance to share not only her beliefs about her own femininity, but to put her own quiet voice behind those beliefs.

Mack’s essay is a poignant reflection of her life as an athlete and as a girl, illuminating both her wisdom and her heart. But more importantly, it beautifully illustrates that at the tender age of seventeen, Mack loved and accepted herself for who she was and embraced the seeming contradictions of what she loved. In her quiet, humble voice, she was clearly comfortable and happy in her own skin. And what an amazing accomplishment that is for any person, let alone one who had yet to graduate from high school.

Mack’s essay is a sweet and revealing testament to who she was as a kid, a girl, and a young woman; and it speaks volumes about her wisdom, her grace, and her spirit. She truly was a remarkable human being…this I believe.

 

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